Small Admissions by Amy Poeppel
ISBN: 9781501122521 (hardcover)
ISBN: 9781501122545 (eBook)
ASIN: B01CO34E8Y (Kindle version)
Publication Date: December 27, 2016
Publisher: Emily Bestler Books / Atria
For fans of The Nanny Diaries and Sophie Kinsella comes a whip-smart and deliciously funny debut novel about Kate, a young woman unexpectedly thrust into the cutthroat world of New York City private school admissions as she attempts to understand city life, human nature, and falling in love.
Despite her innate ambition and Summa Cum Laude smarts, Kate Pearson has turned into a major slacker. After being unceremoniously dumped by her handsome, French “almost fiancé,” she abandons her grad school plans and instead spends her days lolling on the couch, watching reruns of Sex and the City, and leaving her apartment only when a dog-walking gig demands it. Her friends don’t know what to do other than pass tissues and hope for a comeback, while her practical sister, Angela, pushes every remedy she can think of, from trapeze class to therapy to job interviews.
Miraculously, and for reasons no one (least of all Kate) understands, she manages to land a job in the admissions department at the prestigious Hudson Day School. In her new position, Kate learns there’s no time for self-pity or nonsense during the height of the admissions season, or what her colleagues refer to as “the dark time.” As the process revs up, Kate meets smart kids who are unlikable, likeable kids who aren’t very smart, and Park Avenue parents who refuse to take no for an answer.
Meanwhile, Kate’s sister and her closest friends find themselves keeping secrets, hiding boyfriends, dropping bombshells, and fighting each other on how to keep Kate on her feet. On top of it all, her cranky, oddly charming, and irritatingly handsome downstairs neighbor is more than he seems. Through every dishy, page-turning twist, it seems that one person’s happiness leads to another’s misfortune, and suddenly everyone, including Kate, is looking for a way to turn rejection on its head, using any means necessary—including the truly unexpected.
Read an excerpt:
For one whole year, we worried about Kate. We worried to her face and worried behind her back, credited her with being tough, while judging her for being pathetic. Some days we thought she was suicidal; others she seemed homicidal, or as if she had the potential, anyway, not that any of us would blame her. We didn’t know how to help. Her sister, Angela, thought she needed therapy, antidepressants, and time to heal. She prescribed hard work and weekend hobbies, like kayaking or photography. Vicki thought she needed to quit wallowing; why not enjoy life as a single woman, celebrate her independence, go out and get laid? The guy who lived below her thought she should turn her music down and leave the apartment from time to time instead of stomping around over his head all day long. The lady at the liquor store suspected she drank too much. I didn’t know what to think. We all agreed she needed to get her ass off the couch and get a life. She needed to stop wearing sweatpants and put on a little mascara, for Christ’s sake. And would it kill her to go on a date? We were tired of the whole thing. Sure, life had thrown a huge piece of shit in her face, but…
Actually, there was no but. Life had thrown an enormous piece of shit in Kate’s face.
Whenever the topic of Kate came up, faces got twitchy; eyes got shifty. Our friends would glance at each other and look at me with a mixture of blame and embarrassment, making it clear what they all thought but couldn’t say, at least not around me. I could imagine them whispering, after I excused myself to go to the ladies’ room:
She must feel like it’s her fault.
It was her fault.
Well, she certainly is partly to blame.
Apart from him, it was all her fault.
I know! I mean, if only she had…
I wonder if she feels responsible?
Yes, bitches. I feel responsible.
To me Kate was something like a figure skater, skilled and balanced one second and then, bam, she’s splayed out all over the ice the next. Music still playing, and she can’t even get up to finish the damn routine.
But before her fall, it was a different story. Skilled and balanced. I remember Kate sitting cross-legged on her bed in our dorm room, laptop open, wearing glasses and retainers, reading an assignment she’d written out loud to us:
Day 1. Sundown. I enter a community living structure after the tribe’s evening repast. I am in the midst of seven female natives, and while I believe them to be a peaceful people, I approach them cautiously, watching from a safe distance. I see them communicating with each other, using language and gestures, drinking an amber-colored beverage out of red, plastic cups, and listening to music that causes them to jerk their heads in unison. I come closer to observe their rituals and seat myself on a contraption that hosts a variety of food particles in its fibers. When I insert my hand under the cushion, I discover a handful of blackened popcorn kernels, a pair of unwashed male undergarments, and two small copper medallions. The women in the tribe see the items in my hand and begin shrieking, gesticulating, and backing away from me. I fear I have insulted these gentle humanoids by unearthing their relics from the sofa, but they are forgiving. One offers me a large vessel, into which I respectfully lower the clothing and kernels. When I start to put in the copper medallions, the female makes a gift of them to me. I will bring them home to share with my people.
Kate looked up, ready for our critique.
“I don’t get it,” Vicki said. She was sitting up in her bed with a Town & Country magazine open across her lap.
“What?” Kate asked.
“If they’re pennies,” Vicki asked, “why can’t you just say pennies?”
“I like it,” I said.
“Thank you, Chloe,” Kate answered. She was hunched over, reading through her fictional field notes again.
“I didn’t say I don’t like it,” Vicki said. “I just don’t get the point.”
“Can you tell I’m from another planet?” Kate asked.
“Totally,” I assured her.
“It’s inconsistent, if you want me to be honest,” Vicki answered.
“How would an alien know what popcorn is?”
“You’re absolutely right,” Kate said, holding down the delete button.
“It’s so stupid.”
“You’re a freshman,” Vicki told her. “You’re supposed to be stupid.”
“She didn’t say she was stupid,” I corrected. “She didn’t mean to say that you’re stupid, Kate.”
“It’s no good; I’m starting over again,” Kate said, closing her laptop and getting ready to go. “I’ll work in the Student Center, so I don’t keep you up.”
“We’ll hear you anyway when you come in at two o’clock,” Vicki said.
“She’ll tiptoe,” I suggested.
We had only been roommates for two months, and we had already fallen into our roles. Kate was the bookiest of us. She spent more time in the library and less time in the shower than anyone I’d ever met. Not that she smelled bad or anything. She just couldn’t be bothered. She was a scholar in the making, bingeing on nineteenth-century novels whenever she had spare time, the more passion, suspense, and drama, the better.
“You know you’re wearing pajamas,” Vicki called after her, as Kate walked out of the room.
Vicki was smart and driven in a different way. She was exceedingly practical, registered for classes only if she found them real-world applicable and down-the-road lucrative. “When would I ever use that?” she asked when I suggested we all take a history class on serfdom in the Middle Ages. She signed up for stats instead. I had to check a map when I first met her to wrap my head around where she came from: a flyover state that she had no intention of returning to. One time I walked into our dorm room to find Vicki looking through Kate’s dresser drawers. Without thinking, I apologized to her.
And who was I? Among other things, my role in our clique was keeper of the peace. I held us together. For four years I bridged the gap, and it wasn’t easy. I was the one who made sure we were always assigned to the same dorm, with rooms on the same hall. I was the one who made plans (Friday-night cocktails and weekend getaways) and posed us in pictures, dressed up or dressed down, with me almost always in the middle. I cleared up misunderstandings and found common ground: in our sophomore year, Kate and Vicki got into a fight about gun control (Vicki’s libertarian principles clashing with Kate’s progressive sensibilities), and I spent an anxiety-filled week negotiating a truce, apologizing to one on behalf of the other, failing a sociology test in the process.
After we graduated from Wellesley, we decided to move to New York as individuals—still as a trio in spirit, but not as roommates. I figured it was for the best, knowing that our friendships would be far less complicated without the petty problems that stem from too much togetherness. I was relieved to move forward into something simple and more adult.
And then Kate had her disastrous triple toe loop ass-on-ice wipeout and suddenly I found myself reentangled, back in the middle of a big mess.
“Trenchant, funny, and observant…as a prose artist Ms. Poeppel leaves nothing to be desired, except this desire: that she write more and more, and as well as she does in this, her assured debut.”– Hilton Als, staff writer for The New Yorker and author of White Girls and The Women
“Poeppel gives an in-depth look at the admissions process, with a side of secrets, bombshells, heartbreak, and hope . . . perfect for fans of Curtis Sittenfeld’s Prep.”– Booklist
“A witty and captivating page-turner punctuated with quirky characters and laugh-out-loud moments that are sure to appeal.”– Library Journal
“Fans of Primates of Park Avenue and Curtis Sittenfeld’s Prep will get a kick out of this novel, which is also a story about how women help one another get back on their feet.”– Refinery 29, Top Reads Out in December
“An excellent debut.”– Publishers Weekly
“In this absorbing story, Amy Poeppel brings her razor-sharp observations of the postures and pretenses found in our culture, in our cities,and especially in the world of admissions. Amy’s gift for dialogue, shown through the sidesplitting banter between our appealing, young heroine and the parents and children she interviews, will delight readers. Amy Poeppel displays a well of insight, forgiveness and wit that not only marks a talented writer, but the launch of what promises to be a marvelous career.”– Diane Meier, author of The Seasons of Chances and Ritual and Style in a Changing Culture
“As Jean Hanff Korelitz did for college in her novel Admission, Amy Poeppel artfully and hilariously describes the gamesmanship in the high-stakes, high-anxiety world of New York City’s private school admissions offices with spot-on dialogue and genuine insight. As the novel unfolds, the reader finds that Small Admissions lead to bigger, more important truths in the lives of the characters populating this hilarious book; I couldn’t put it down.”– David Harman, Headmaster, Poly Prep Country Day School
“Small Admissions is quick-witted and razor-sharp. With a chorus of varied and absurd voices, you’ll laugh at everyone involved while secretly fearing that you see yourself in the mix. Amy Poeppel manages to tell a story both poignant and hilarious, hinting that this wry and absorbing debut is the beginning of an exciting career.”– Taylor Jenkins Reid, Author of Maybe in Another Life
“Small Admissions is a hilarious romp through absurdities of Manhattan prep school life. Its characters are larger than life, it’s point of view delightfully farcical. You’ll read it in a snap and then wish for more.”– Jennifer Miller, the author of The Year of the Gadfly
“Funny and incisive… Amy Poeppel’s rollicking debut skewers the crazy world of Manhattan private schools, the extreme sport of contemporary parenting, and the ridiculous seriousness with which we embark on our adult lives. There’s more here too: a thoughtful excavation of how we deal with rejections, big and small. I loved reading this book.”– Amy Shearn, author of The Mermaid of Brooklyn and How Far Is The Ocean From Here
“A rare book that actually makes you laugh out loud. Small Admissions offers a peek into the world of New York City private school admissions, but the deadly insights hardly stop there. Family, friendships, meetings(!)—Poeppel tells gleaming, hilarious truths about them all.”– Charity Shumway, author of Ten Girls to Watch
“This was quirky, funny and completely original. I loved it!”– Katie Fforde, author of A Vintage Wedding
“Charming, refreshing, and brilliantly funny, Amy Poeppel’s novel is a delightful surprise.”– Elizabeth Brundage, author of All Things Cease to Appear
“Delightful.”– RT Book Reviews
“Every once in a while, you just come across a book that is so good you want to shout it out to other readers . . . . Poeppel has found the perfect balance between humorous and insightful in the scenarios she writes about. In addition, the characters are wonderful–so multi-faceted and varied.”– Heroes and Heartbreakers, Bloggers Recommend: Best Reads of November 2016
“There are hilariously dysfunctional parents, kids whose folks don’t have a clue what they can do and what they can’t, and in the midst of it all, relationships among Kate’s nearest and dearest become unstuck and reconfigured in ways that mirror those Kate works with, and even Kate herself. I can’t tell you any more, because it would ruin it for you, but this snarky romp is not to be missed. It’s cunning, wickedly bold humor at its finest.”– Seattle Book Mama
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